Influence tactics that build trust and relationships are critical. Unfortunately many books on the subject of influence are more about manipulation and coercion ... even though they are often wrapped up beautifully to look anything but manipulative an coercive!
You will discover in the ebook "Influence Your Way To Success" how to work on yourself first and foremost before you try to successfully use influence tactics with anyone else. As you already know there are always two sides to every story.
As counter-intuitive as it may seem, BEFORE you go near the other person, you must get yourself into a place where you are okay with 'what is' and at the same time have your entire inner attention turned toward to how you would like it to be. Which is why the first half of the book is dedicated to focusing just on you!
You'll start to see how some of your previous actions have caused your challenging and stressful situations and how to change those behaviors quick smart.
You'll start to see how sometimes people don't have the desire to take action, simply because they don't have sufficient information to make good decisions
You'll start to see how your 'aligned thinking' is far more powerful than any specific word you may utter
You'll start to see how when you see others as the problem you've completely disempowered yourself and them
You'll start to see how to focus on the other person's success which leads to you achieving your desires
Using these skills means you'll no longer need to pretend ... you'll be coming from a place of real authenticity and life will just become more meaningful. You'll be able to get more of what you really want and encourage others to do the same.
You won't do it with threats or manipulative promises. You'll be able to communicate in a way that helps you and the other person to make different choices ... choices which bring you both in alignment.
I hope you enjoy your sneak peak ... in the 130+ pages in the rest of the book you will discover real tips, strategies, exercises and influence tactics that will help you to Influence Your Way To Success.
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The next door neighbor's dog keeps you awake all night with it's howling, the person who sits next to you at work complains all the time and it's wearing you down, your friend owes you money and you are wondering if it's ever going to be paid back, your boss promised you some extra staff and you've been waiting for months, a colleague at work keeps coming late to meetings, someone who reports to you is just not meeting the standards you need and you suspect you are losing customers because of it. These and a myriad of other situations like it confront all of us each and every day.
If you are like most people - your stomach does a flip-flop at the mere thought of having to tackle someone about their behavior.
Sometimes you can easily handle these challenges. You speak to the person and the situation is resolved immediately - with no fuss. If only it was that easy all the time - but more often than not it doesn't go so well - which is why so many people avoid ... like the plague ... holding high-stakes conversations with work colleagues, families and friends.
If you are like many others you avoid these high-stakes conversations because you are afraid by saying something it may all blow up in your face for reasons like:
You say something and the next thing you find yourself on the defensive as the other person begins to attack you for every dumb thing you've ever done
The person becomes emotional and unreasonable and/or pays you back in some way
You might hurt the other person's feelings
The relationship is fractured for a very long time - if not forever
You have a sneaky suspicion that you are part of the problem and you'd rather not find that out
You say something, the person promises to do things differently and nothing changes - so then what to do
You can probably think of several more reasons why you should avoid a discussion with someone about their lack of performance. Whilst all these reasons may be valid and justify why you should avoid the conversation - they certainly don't enable you to get the situation resolved do they?
So maybe before it gets this bad you try one of the old standby influence tactics of dropping hints, hoping against hope that he or she is quick enough to pick up on them - I don't know about you, but I do know this is one of those influence tactics that has rarely, if ever worked well for me. Or what about talking about it around the lunch table at work, or complaining to friends - again one of those influence tactics that rarely works - because you just aren't talking to the right person - and you know it!
The reality is the very problems you want to avoid are guaranteed to show up if you don't address the situation in some way - and more often than not at a much higher cost because it has dragged on for so long.
Completely eliminating all your fears and anxiety around having these types of conversations is unrealistic, but reducing your fear and anxiety and getting better results is achievable - which is what this book is aimed at helping you to accomplish.
So take a moment now, and think about your fears. What's stopping you from holding conversations, which you know you need to have with others, about the impact of their behavior?
Write down why you avoid dealing with this person's poor behavior and/or performance?
Now that you've got that off your chest, it's possibly stirred up some emotions in you (which is a good thing ... more about that later) and you are probably ready to jump in and learn how to fix this person.
Well sorry, I've got some news for you - there's something you need to understand - you aren't going to fix anyone! There are two fundamental principles in this workbook:
The Only Person You Can Change is You
Everyone Wants To Be Happy
The truth is you can't change anyone else - you can certainly set up the conditions that will enable others to change themselves, but YOU can't change them.
Think back to your own past. Think of a time when someone wanted you to change, so you would be more of what they wanted. If you felt pushed into making the change, like you had no other choice, you might have changed, but you probably did it grudgingly and did it only long enough to get the other person off your back. Or even though, it may have cost you, you dug your heels in and decided to continue doing what you were doing and 'darn the price!'
Contrast this with a time when someone spoke to you about a behavior that you were doing, and they didn't try to force, cajole, bribe you into anything. They simply led you to a point where you decided that you wanted to do things differently and you did. What was the difference?
One possible answer is that this person left you with the feeling their happiness wasn't reliant upon your behavior, and you felt approved of, and appreciated, regardless of what was going on.
Go in expecting the other person to change so you can be happy - well failure is probably going to be the end result. Coerce anyone hard enough, and sure you might be able to get them to modify their behavior, for a short period of time, but the minute your back is turned you can fairly much guarantee that they will go back to doing exactly what it was, that was annoying you so much in the first place.
If you are happy with influence tacts that rely upon coercion and finding bigger and bigger sticks to hit others over the head with to get them to do what want ... then this probably isn't the book for you. If, on the other hand, you want to inspire others and yourself to consistently align with your potential then you are in for a treat in the coming pages.
So let's set your expectations right now.
Discover More About Yourself and How You May Have Contributed To the Problem
Discover The Truth From The Other Person About Their Experience
Get Curious, Before Deciding on Actions
Enhance Your Relationship With Yourself and With Others
Certainly at the end of this process you will probably have gone a long way toward resolving the problem and the other person (and you) may both have made decisions to do things differently going forward. This will be a great outcome. But do not step into this workbook expecting to fix people. They don't like it and you don't have that power!
Having said that - get ready for a great ride - as you discover how to get great relationships and great performance to collide with extraordinarily great results.
The skill you want to develop here is to recognize if what you are thinking is causing you to feel worse and causing you grief or helping you feel better and bringing ease into your life.
The idea is to try and put the spotlight on the good things this person does (more on this in the next section Look for It and You Will Find It). Looking for the things they do that you appreciate. As you shift your thinking to focus on what they do well and find reasons that might rationalize their actions you help relieve the tension in your mind. And that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and is an important influence tactic for setting up a better vibe for when you do go and have a conversation with that person.
It's no good pretending to yourself that this person, who has been so challenging to you, is now your very closest companion. That's too much of a stretch. Instead, see you and this person having a civil conversation in which you are both working together to find a solution to your current troubles.
Anyone who has had a teenage child, knows about the 'bedroom challenge'! My daughter Connor's room often looks like a dump. Clothes strewn all over the floor, food who knows where and generally it is just a smelly place to be.
For a long time she and I were at each others throats about her room. When I came across the Law of Attraction and started using the principle of focusing my thinking toward the positive aspects, I began to focus on the reasons why she had her room like this. I began to think more of all the wonderful things she does and what a terrific person she is. Each time I thought about her room I decided to just let it go. There are other more important things in life than worrying about a bedroom. I wanted to give more of my energy to liking and appreciating her than constantly finding fault with her and seeing (and pointing out) all the things she did 'wrong'.
Within the space of about two weeks, she came to me and said "I'm going to give my room an overhaul". And she did. Did it stay that way forever? Nope! But what she has been doing is overhauling it every couple of weeks - where prior to me holding my own space and being okay with how her room was and focusing my attention toward all the wonderful things about her ... that never even entered her mind.
She also came to me with a promise that when visitors are coming she'll make sure the floor can be seen and no food is in her room - significant progress in my view. And there is so much less tension in our house
"How hard done by am I right now"
"What thoughts will bring me back into alignment with how I want to feel?"
If you find someone who is particularly challenging, the chances are that you are focused primarily on the things they get wrong. You look for the worst in them. Of course, they can only live up to your expectations!
When focused this way you start to see the other person as an object that is in the way of your happiness. You don't see them as a whole person who has needs, desires, hopes, fears, and aspirations just as important as our own.
Instead give more focus to what you do want ... to the elements the person is getting right and the positive outcome you are looking forward to.
When you open your heart and look for the greatness in another, rather than seeking to find things that are wrong with them, you will find the power within you to empower both yourself and that person to be much more than either of you ever thought possible.
Unfortunately mostly we fix our spotlight firmly out on other people and what they are doing wrong on how they need to fix themselves up in order for us to feel better and/or happy. And as we discovered earlier that just doesn't work!
True success comes when you turn the spotlight back on you and step above the line. What do I need to change and/or do differently in order to make this situation better?
What are my predominant thoughts about this person?
What do I know about the other person's fears, needs, hopes and desires?
What do I need to do in order to listen with an open heart and mind to what is happening in their world?
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